What the F*ck Do We Do Now?

November 9, 2016

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Listen, I’ve never been one to post political rants on a Facebook page or stir up a political conversation in mixed company, but this is my tiny sliver of the internet and for once, I have a passionate feeling about an election. This is the first election where I really paid attention. I read the articles, visited the candidates’ websites, and watched the debates, and all the while, I really didn’t believe this would happen.

I want a woman in the White House, yes, but that’s not the reason I voted for Hillary. She has experience, relationships with other countries, and QUALIFICATIONS that tell me she can do the job. I don’t care if she lied; every politician lies. I don’t care if she’s been under investigation for Benghazi or emails. She held her ground on both fronts and endured rigorous investigations and nothing came of any of it. She is qualified, she is a public servant, and she has spent her life trying to help people. At the end of the day, that woman has the strength of ten men put together. And Beyonce. She has Beyonce.

And, if that’s not enough, looking at Trump should make up one’s mind. This is where I feel a real disconnect because I cannot wrap my head around any woman voting for a man that says and does the things he has during this campaign his lifetime. It’s one thing to be a crass old man with narrow opinions, but to lead a country with these views? Are you not bothered by the racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic comments and actions? He thinks so little of you and you want him to lead you? To represent you? To defend you? To inspire your children? What am I missing here?

At the end of the day, the bottom line is this: the purpose of public office is to serve the people. To be a voice of the people. To inspire and encourage. To. help. people. One candidate has spent her life listening to others and making changes to improve policy. The other has perfected the art of self-promotion.

I’m still processing everything, I’ve truly never dealt with these feelings before. I think I’m still shocked, still trying to understand how this could happen. I’m angry at this country and feel like people aren’t good. They can’t be if this is a testament to their judgment, right? Like, that feeling I get when I’m driving (sidenote: I “suffer” from incredible albeit internal road rage) and I feel like everyone is a raging idiot and the future is doomed because if we can’t even drive down the road, how the hell are we going to get through something serious? Well, it’s like that. Times ten. Sprinkled with the incredible fear that an egomaniac has the nuclear codes.

I’m angry at the sound of his voice. I’m angry that everything that is good is his idea and everything that is bad is someone else’s fault. Is this what our country believes? HOW did we get here?  HOW did we come to the conclusion that an unqualified man that has insulted so many people should lead the free world? (Have you ever seen this really dumb movie, Idiocracy? I keep having flashes of that movie when I think about our future. *laughter turning into tears*)

I’m angry that I still don’t know how he’s going to fulfill these wild promises that are ultimately scary and dangerous. Matter of fact, I don’t know anything about any of his policies because he’s been too busy tweeting petty insults to offer anything of substance. I’m angry that I feel like my voice was overshadowed by irrational racists, and I’m angry that I’m angry at the people of this country. I’ve never been good at holding on to anger. It’s a waste of time. I want to do something, anything, to feel better. To fix it. To bounce back. To shake this feeling of loss. So many have started on the path to rebuilding. I look forward to overcoming this feeling and pushing forward, and although this got me misty-eyed, I’m not there yet.

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