on being alone

March 20, 2017

life

Day trips from Copenhagen - Arken Museum of Modern Art

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You know that movie, The Wedding Planner? It’s one of my all-time guilty pleasure rom-coms that I can recite from memory. Besides JLo’s impressive, Jackie-O inspired wardrobe and Matthew McConaughy’s stunning sweater-wearing abilities, there has always been one inspirational aspect of that movie that’s stuck with me: Mary’s singledom.

I’m not going to lie, I’ve kept that montage of TV-tray-dinner-eating, OCD-sweater-folding, going-to-bed-alone-at-a-reasonable-hour stuck in my brain for years because… it has always looked pretty damn good to me. Mary kills the single girl game. She has an amazing career, a bomb apartment in San Francisco (!), and style for days. She’s also prepared for anything (see: opening wedding sequence), and she’s a member of her local Scrabble club…? Girl’s got it all.

Ever since making the decision to walk away from a relationship a few years ago, I’ve been somewhat hinted to that being alone is… wrong. I’m not dating anyone? I’m how old and I’m not married? I DON’T WANT KIDS?! But, I’m a white, American female that’s not hideously disfigured… I don’t understand? Maybe because I haven’t found someone to make me change my mind yet, but I also don’t feel a sense of urgency to find someone to make me change my mind either. I wouldn’t mind living like Mary – I want it all. I don’t feel like anything is missing, though. I don’t long for someone to understand me or “complete” me. I’m energized by the prospect of making shit happen all by myself, whether it be traveling across the world or working toward a career I’m really proud of.

I think we’re all works in progress, I know I am. And, maybe my opinion will change later down the road, but right now, I want the styled apartment with the white sofa and the ability to leave it a mess in the morning before work. I like not having to answer to anyone, and making plans around whatever I want to do, and wearing a new outfit and not worrying if someone else likes it. I thoroughly enjoy spending an unjustifiable amount of time color coding my closet, and the freedom to continually evolve into the person I want to be. The only thing that makes me think twice is how much I don’t see myself giving up my freedom in the future. And as much as I don’t want care to what other people think, I feel like a disappointment to my family, or like I’ve failed in some way because I don’t have a date readily available for the office Christmas party.

And, I know, Mary ends up with Dr. Steve in the end (it is a rom-com, after all), but I like that she never needed saving, instead she chose to walk away from Massimo and it worked out that McConaughy and his tight sweater were just as into her as she was him. I don’t know where I’m going with this, I know it’s kind of rambly, but I just had to get it off my chest… I think I’m part of the way there, in that I’m secure and happy single, but like in all things, would feel better if I gave less consideration to what other people think of my life choices. Always easier said than done, right? …more later. Xx

3 thoughts on “on being alone

  1. Martina

    “Maybe because I haven’t found someone to make me change my mind yet.” – To me that sounds you have it all figured out after all 🙂 Same here, girl, same here! And I absolutely love it!

    A book I can recommend is, “The Lonely City – Adventures in the Art of being Alone” by Olivia Laing.

    Btw, my not-so-guilty pleasure JLo movie is the 2010 gem “The Back-up Plan”. Girl got killer style and a great Apartment in NYC!! 🙂

    Happy First Day of Spring!

    xo Martina

    http://spunkyrella.com

    Reply
    1. Amy Post author

      Ah! The Back Up Plan! I never caught that one, but I’ll have to give it a try. Thanks for the recommendations!

      Reply
  2. Sandra Wiebe

    I love this! I couldn’t have said it better myself. So proud that you paid attention when I let you girls know you don’t need a man (or anyone for that matter) to define you. Love that you have become the smart, independent, self sufficient woman you are….carry on!

    Reply

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