I haven’t really touched on this, but a few months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of over six years. I moved out and while I have been reminded in many ways that I made the right choice, it doesn’t make it easy. After months of weighing the possibilities and finally living on my own for a little bit, it hit me like a ton of bricks tonight. I have been waiting for this moment for a long time. I knew it would happen, even in my strongest moments; I knew I’d eventually feel this way. There is no going back and this person that I shared so many unique experiences with doesn’t know me anymore. It’s really hard, and even harder when I think about him hurting too.
Like most things, this will pass, but I wonder how long it takes. I know there’s no science to it, but I think about it everyday, and there are unwelcome reminders everywhere I look. I struggle with wanting to to keep in touch with someone who was everything to me, but not wanting to get hurt again. I wish there was some book I could pluck off the shelf and look up the answer to this situation… (ah, yes, page 43. It says don’t look back. Well, that settles it!) If only it were that easy. I know this isn’t the most uplifting post, but it’s honest.
Hoping for clarity and strength in the near future. And in the meantime, a little musical therapy. xo