Category Archives: life

Old Haunts

April 28, 2017

life

They say you can’t go home again, and they’re right. But, this past weekend I returned to Orlando for a few days and as much as it’s changed, it felt the same. It’s been months since I actually spent more than a few hours in town;  I usually just pass through on my way to the airport. Hanging around for a few days allowed me to sink into the nostalgia and embrace all the feels that came with it…

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on being alone

March 20, 2017

life

Day trips from Copenhagen - Arken Museum of Modern Art

image via

You know that movie, The Wedding Planner? It’s one of my all-time guilty pleasure rom-coms that I can recite from memory. Besides JLo’s impressive, Jackie-O inspired wardrobe and Matthew McConaughy’s stunning sweater-wearing abilities, there has always been one aspirational aspect of that movie that’s stuck with me: Mary’s singledom.

I’m not going to lie, I’ve kept that montage of TV-tray-dinner-eating, OCD-sweater-folding, going-to-bed-alone-at-a-reasonable-hour stuck in my brain for years because… it has always looked pretty damn good to me. Mary kills the single girl game. She has an amazing career, a bomb apartment in San Francisco (!), and style for days. She’s also prepared for anything (see: opening wedding sequence), and she’s a member of her local Scrabble club…? Girl’s got it all.

Ever since making the decision to walk away from a relationship a few years ago, I’ve been somewhat hinted to that being alone is… wrong. I’m not dating anyone? I’m how old and I’m not married? I DON’T WANT KIDS?! But, I’m a white, American female that’s not hideously disfigured… I don’t understand? Maybe because I haven’t found someone to make me change my mind yet, but I also don’t feel a sense of urgency to find someone to make me change my mind either. I wouldn’t mind living like Mary – I want it all. I don’t feel like anything is missing, though. I don’t long for someone to understand me or “complete” me. I’m energized by the prospect of making shit happen all by myself, whether it be traveling across the world or working toward a career I’m really proud of.

I think we’re all works in progress, I know I am. And, maybe my opinion will change later down the road, but right now, I want the styled apartment with the white sofa and the ability to leave it a mess in the morning before work. I like not having to answer to anyone, and making plans around whatever I want to do, and wearing a new outfit and not worrying if someone else likes it. I thoroughly enjoy spending an unjustifiable amount of time color coding my closet, and the freedom to continually evolve into the person I want to be. The only thing that makes me think twice is how much I don’t see myself giving up my freedom in the future. And as much as I don’t want care to what other people think, I feel like a disappointment to my family, or like I’ve failed in some way because I don’t have a date readily available for the office Christmas party.

And, I know, Mary ends up with Dr. Steve in the end (it is a rom-com, after all), but I like that she never needed saving, instead she chose to walk away from Massimo and it worked out that McConaughy and his tight sweater were just as into her as she was him. I don’t know where I’m going with this, I know it’s kind of rambly, but I just had to get it off my chest… I think I’m part of the way there, in that I’m secure and happy single, but like in all things, would feel better if I gave less consideration to what other people think of my life choices. Always easier said than done, right? …more later. Xx

uncomfortable

March 13, 2017

life

 :

image via

I have been told that I’m a private person, and I think my unwillingness to share has grown exponentially over the past few years. I won’t open the proverbial can of worms as to why, at least not right here right now, but I will say that I’m consistently surprised and inspired by people that are so open and willing to share. Misgivings about a job or trouble in a relationship, epic failures, and great triumphs. These moments, good and bad, are what make me realize how important it is to push through the discomfort and connect with other people. This, for me, is easier said than done. But, I’m going to make an effort and begin here, on the blog. I’ll utilize this space as my journal, and maybe this opportunity to uncomfortably share how I feel will help me grow, and/or resonate with someone else.

I know it won’t be easy but I’ve found that when I write out the heavy stuff, I can often stand back and figure out the root of the problem. I also have a hard time not worrying about what other people think, so this will be an exercise in not giving an eff.

So… let’s do this.

2017

January 20, 2017

life

Oh, hi again. As usual, it’s been too long. As I write this, I should be finishing a project. It’s a Facebook page mock up for Leon County Humane Society and in the name of research I got on Facebook which led to scrolling through old photos (see above: Paris, 2013) and editing old photos and “What happened to those photos of x/y/z…?” and how about a blog post! So, here I am. This is my first post of 2017 and I feel like a lot has been going on, lots of plans in the works and so much to look forward to. So, here’s what I’ve got cookin’ for the year ahead…

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Forward

November 29, 2016

life

elmorro5

Okay, we’ve all had time to process the shock of the election. If anything, I think it woke us up as a nation and made us pay attention to a divide we had previously been trying to ignore. Many people, including myself, are more inspired than ever to act out in hope, kindness and love. As disappointing and scary as it initially felt, I found solace in the blogs, articles and public figures that promoted the importance of positivity. Here are some of the people, places and things that shared my grief and lifted my post-election spirits…

The season finale of Showtime’s The Circus

The Daily Show election special

Desus & Mero on Viceland (The election special is good, but just watch ’em on the reg anyway.)

Hillary Clinton’s concession speech

Women on the heartbreak of watching Trump win

Chelsea interviews Senator Barbara Boxer

Leslie Knope’s letter to America

Coming Together by Joanna Goddard

Emily Henderson asks her readers why they voted for Trump

Alan Sorkin’s dramatic letter to his ex-wife and daughter

A podcast about Oprah…unrelated, but hey, it made me feel a lot better.

I registered on Issue Voter to weigh in on issues before Congress votes and reach state reps directly.

Before the Flood (free on Hulu)

Anything and everything Gloria Steinem

What the Fuck Do We Do Now?

November 9, 2016

life

unnamed

Listen, I’ve never been one to post political rants on a Facebook page or stir up a political conversation in mixed company, but this is my tiny sliver of the internet and for once, I have a passionate feeling about an election. This is the first election where I really paid attention. I read the articles, visited the candidates’ websites, and watched the debates, and all the while, I really didn’t believe this would happen.

I want a woman in the White House, yes, but that’s not the reason I voted for Hillary. She has experience, relationships with other countries, and QUALIFICATIONS that tell me she can do the job. I don’t care if she lied; every politician lies. I don’t care if she’s been under investigation for Benghazi or emails. She held her ground on both fronts and endured rigorous investigations and nothing came of any of it. She is qualified, she is a public servant, and she has spent her life trying to help people. At the end of the day, that woman has the strength of ten men put together. And Beyonce. She has Beyonce.

And, if that’s not enough, looking at Trump should make up one’s mind. This is where I feel a real disconnect because I cannot wrap my head around any woman voting for a man that says and does the things he has during this campaign his lifetime. It’s one thing to be a crass old man with narrow opinions, but to lead a country with these views? Are you not bothered by the racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic comments and actions? He thinks so little of you and you want him to lead you? To represent you? To defend you? To inspire your children? What am I missing here?

At the end of the day, the bottom line is this: the purpose of public office is to serve the people. To be a voice of the people. To inspire and encourage. To. help. people. One candidate has spent her life listening to others and making changes to improve policy. The other has perfected the art of self-promotion.

I’m still processing everything, I’ve truly never dealt with these feelings before. I think I’m still shocked, still trying to understand how this could happen. I’m angry at this country and feel like people aren’t good. They can’t be if this is a testament to their judgment, right? Like, that feeling I get when I’m driving (sidenote: I “suffer” from incredible albeit internal road rage) and I feel like everyone is a raging idiot and the future is doomed because if we can’t even drive down the road, how the hell are we going to get through something serious? Well, it’s like that. Times ten. Sprinkled with the incredible fear that an egomaniac has the nuclear codes.

I’m angry at the sound of his voice. I’m angry that everything that is good is his idea and everything that is bad is someone else’s fault. Is this what our country believes? HOW did we get here?  HOW did we come to the conclusion that an unqualified man that has insulted so many people should lead the free world? (Have you ever seen this really dumb movie, Idiocracy? I keep having flashes of that movie when I think about our future. *laughs turning into tears*)

I’m angry that I still don’t know how he’s going to fulfill these wild promises that are ultimately scary and dangerous. Matter of fact, I don’t know anything about any of his policies because he’s been too busy tweeting petty insults to offer anything of substance. I’m angry that I feel like my voice was overshadowed by irrational racists, and I’m angry that I’m angry at the people of this country. I’ve never been good at holding on to anger. It’s a waste of time. I want to do something, anything, to feel better. To fix it. To bounce back. To shake this feeling of loss. So many have started on the path to rebuilding. I look forward to overcoming this feeling and pushing forward, and although this got me misty-eyed, I’m not there yet.

summer music / 3

October 18, 2016

entertainment / life / weekend

quad

My last hurrah of the summer music scene was a Blink-182 concert in Tampa. I went back to the same venue where I saw Dashboard, this time in celebration of my sister’s birthday. Blink always brings back amazing memories (like wearing out Take Off Your Pants and Jacket on my Discman during a family vacation to Key West).

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summer music / 2

September 12, 2016

life / weekend

dash

Funny thing happened earlier this year: I found out my hands down, all-time favorite of all time forever and ever band, Dashboard Confessional, was pairing up with another favorite, Taking Back Sunday, on the Taste of Chaos Tour. What was even more incredible was they were scheduled to play Tallahassee. What that whaaaa?! No one ever comes to Tallahassee, at least, not by choice. So in a frenzy of excitement and disbelief, I purchased two tickets to the Tallahassee show. But before that, I purchased four tickets to the show scheduled the day before in Tampa. I didn’t want to risk the Tallahassee show being cancelled and missing Dashboard. Four tickets was over zealous, yes, especially considering I didn’t have a single soul to go to either show with at the time, but, like… yolo.

Fast forward two months, I was able to sell two of the Tampa tickets but still had two I wasn’t going to let go to waste. I had concert buddies for both shows: Saturday – Tampa show with my sister; Sunday – Tallahassee show with my bestie. It was everything I hoped for and more… oh, and did I mention that I GOT TO MEET CHRIS CARRABBA?! Who’s that? Just the lead singer of Dashboard and the man of my adolescent dreams, nbd. Here’s a recap of me fangirling my way through one of the best weekends of my summer…

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meet2

awkward & awesome

So, let’s just get to the good part, which is the first part. I met Chris Carrabba! Our tickets allowed us early entry to the venue and a small, acoustic, pre-show performance, and we were pleasantly surprised with a meet and greet. Despite me sweating balls and downing an $11 Dixie cup sized jack and coke, I was still super nervous.  He was of course, lovely and kind and despite the look on his face below, very gracious.

meet1

loosing my mind   |  #2002

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Currently Into #4

August 15, 2016

life

Eventide+Yan+Web-6

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Eventide Collective // I’ve grown slightly obsessed with searching for affordable art online. There are so many choices and more popping up everyday. While some sites definitely have quantity over quality, Eventide Collective has perfectly curated collections of modern photo prints available for purchase online. From beach landscapes, to Vegas lights, the prints on Eventide are beautiful and offered in several different sizes. I love each collection and frequently reference the site when looking for inspiration for my own photo shoots.

Flat white // Everyone has their go-to coffee drink. Maybe you’re a purist and drink it black. Maybe you go all out and order that frappucino with the jazzy drizzle on top. For over a decade, my fancy drink (you know, the one you order when you have enough stars for a freebie) has been a triple grande non-fat no whip white mocha. I know, it sounds obnoxious.  Here lately though, I’ve been addicted to a non-fat flat white. It’s just restretto espresso blended with milk, but it is so dang smooth. It’s definitely the grownup version of my previous sugary white mocha.

Sword and Scale // On a recent road trip, I discovered the true crime podcast Sword and Scale. The hour long episodes tell stories of some of the most gruesome and unbelievable criminals in recent history. I’m a true crime junkie, and working in the industry only fuels my curiosity into these cases. I like the format which details cases primarily through recorded witness testimony and news reports. If you’re like me and love Dateline and Serial, check out Sword and Scale.

Anthony Bourdain // I got hooked on Anthony Bourdain while researching my New Orleans trip. He’s hosted a few shows over the years, and while the formats have varied slightly, they all pretty much center around him traveling, meeting locals, and eating regional food. I like all of these ideas and his dry, witty writing so I’ve been binging on No Reservations, The Layover, and Parts Unknown. Bourdain has been everywhere from Sao Paolo to Brooklyn and has shared some of the most exclusive trends in food and culture with a generally down-to-earth and accessible vibe. Even though he’s very much a meat-and-potatoes kinda guy, I dig everything he shares in his travels and confidently use his shows as travel resources.

jcrew

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J.Crew swim // I’m taking one last trip this year, to Puerto Rico, to finish off the summer the best way I know how: exploring, eating, drinking, and beaching. I’ve needed a new bathing suit for awhile now, but I don’t exactly jump at the prospect of bathing suit shopping. To alleviate some of the pain, I turned to J.Crew. They’re playful patterns, bold color combos, and classic cuts create excitement more so than dread when looking for a new suit. Familiar with the excellent quality of J.Crew, I went with a timeless black bikini that I’m confident will remain in style and good condition for years to come.