Old Haunts

April 28, 2017

life

They say you can’t go home again, and they’re right. But, this past weekend I returned to Orlando for a few days and as much as it’s changed, it felt the same. It’s been months since I actually spent more than a few hours in town;  I usually just pass through on my way to the airport. Hanging around for a few days allowed me to sink into the nostalgia and embrace all the feels that came with it…

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adventure

March 25, 2017

travel

 

santa monica pier | january, 2016

Just wanted to drop a line and say farewell! I’m off to Europe for the next 10 days! I feel so excited and a little nervous because unlike past trips of this caliber, I’m going to Amsterdam and Stockholm alone. I know! It’s kind of crazy but at the same time, I’m up for the adventure. I’ve got a few things planned, like a nighttime photo tour of Amsterdam, and a ferry ride to Drottningholm Palace in Stockholm. I’ve tried to leave some down time too, for coffee and schoolwork in local cafes, but it’s hard to not try to see as much as possible during my stay. Either way, I’ll be sharing on IG and a little later, here on the blog. yay! andokaybye! Xx

on being alone

March 20, 2017

life

Day trips from Copenhagen - Arken Museum of Modern Art

image via

You know that movie, The Wedding Planner? It’s one of my all-time guilty pleasure rom-coms that I can recite from memory. Besides JLo’s impressive, Jackie-O inspired wardrobe and Matthew McConaughy’s stunning sweater-wearing abilities, there has always been one aspirational aspect of that movie that’s stuck with me: Mary’s singledom.

I’m not going to lie, I’ve kept that montage of TV-tray-dinner-eating, OCD-sweater-folding, going-to-bed-alone-at-a-reasonable-hour stuck in my brain for years because… it has always looked pretty damn good to me. Mary kills the single girl game. She has an amazing career, a bomb apartment in San Francisco (!), and style for days. She’s also prepared for anything (see: opening wedding sequence), and she’s a member of her local Scrabble club…? Girl’s got it all.

Ever since making the decision to walk away from a relationship a few years ago, I’ve been somewhat hinted to that being alone is… wrong. I’m not dating anyone? I’m how old and I’m not married? I DON’T WANT KIDS?! But, I’m a white, American female that’s not hideously disfigured… I don’t understand? Maybe because I haven’t found someone to make me change my mind yet, but I also don’t feel a sense of urgency to find someone to make me change my mind either. I wouldn’t mind living like Mary – I want it all. I don’t feel like anything is missing, though. I don’t long for someone to understand me or “complete” me. I’m energized by the prospect of making shit happen all by myself, whether it be traveling across the world or working toward a career I’m really proud of.

I think we’re all works in progress, I know I am. And, maybe my opinion will change later down the road, but right now, I want the styled apartment with the white sofa and the ability to leave it a mess in the morning before work. I like not having to answer to anyone, and making plans around whatever I want to do, and wearing a new outfit and not worrying if someone else likes it. I thoroughly enjoy spending an unjustifiable amount of time color coding my closet, and the freedom to continually evolve into the person I want to be. The only thing that makes me think twice is how much I don’t see myself giving up my freedom in the future. And as much as I don’t want care to what other people think, I feel like a disappointment to my family, or like I’ve failed in some way because I don’t have a date readily available for the office Christmas party.

And, I know, Mary ends up with Dr. Steve in the end (it is a rom-com, after all), but I like that she never needed saving, instead she chose to walk away from Massimo and it worked out that McConaughy and his tight sweater were just as into her as she was him. I don’t know where I’m going with this, I know it’s kind of rambly, but I just had to get it off my chest… I think I’m part of the way there, in that I’m secure and happy single, but like in all things, would feel better if I gave less consideration to what other people think of my life choices. Always easier said than done, right? …more later. Xx

uncomfortable

March 13, 2017

life

 :

image via

I have been told that I’m a private person, and I think my unwillingness to share has grown exponentially over the past few years. I won’t open the proverbial can of worms as to why, at least not right here right now, but I will say that I’m consistently surprised and inspired by people that are so open and willing to share. Misgivings about a job or trouble in a relationship, epic failures, and great triumphs. These moments, good and bad, are what make me realize how important it is to push through the discomfort and connect with other people. This, for me, is easier said than done. But, I’m going to make an effort and begin here, on the blog. I’ll utilize this space as my journal, and maybe this opportunity to uncomfortably share how I feel will help me grow, and/or resonate with someone else.

I know it won’t be easy but I’ve found that when I write out the heavy stuff, I can often stand back and figure out the root of the problem. I also have a hard time not worrying about what other people think, so this will be an exercise in not giving an eff.

So… let’s do this.

2017

January 20, 2017

life

Oh, hi again. As usual, it’s been too long. As I write this, I should be finishing a project. It’s a Facebook page mock up for Leon County Humane Society and in the name of research I got on Facebook which led to scrolling through old photos (see above: Paris, 2013) and editing old photos and “What happened to those photos of x/y/z…?” and how about a blog post! So, here I am. This is my first post of 2017 and I feel like a lot has been going on, lots of plans in the works and so much to look forward to. So, here’s what I’ve got cookin’ for the year ahead…

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The Colors of Old San Juan

December 7, 2016

travel

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When Puerto Rico comes to mind, most people imagine the colors of Old San Juan. From the bright buildings to the blue cobblestone streets, to the vibrant ocean water peeking through the cityscape, every inch of Old San Juan is bright and happy and bursting with life.

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Forward

November 29, 2016

life

elmorro5

Okay, we’ve all had time to process the shock of the election. If anything, I think it woke us up as a nation and made us pay attention to a divide we had previously been trying to ignore. Many people, including myself, are more inspired than ever to act out in hope, kindness and love. As disappointing and scary as it initially felt, I found solace in the blogs, articles and public figures that promoted the importance of positivity. Here are some of the people, places and things that shared my grief and lifted my post-election spirits…

The season finale of Showtime’s The Circus

The Daily Show election special

Desus & Mero on Viceland (The election special is good, but just watch ’em on the reg anyway.)

Hillary Clinton’s concession speech

Women on the heartbreak of watching Trump win

Chelsea interviews Senator Barbara Boxer

Leslie Knope’s letter to America

Coming Together by Joanna Goddard

Emily Henderson asks her readers why they voted for Trump

Alan Sorkin’s dramatic letter to his ex-wife and daughter

A podcast about Oprah…unrelated, but hey, it made me feel a lot better.

I registered on Issue Voter to weigh in on issues before Congress votes and reach state reps directly.

Before the Flood (free on Hulu)

Anything and everything Gloria Steinem

What the Fuck Do We Do Now?

November 9, 2016

life

unnamed

Listen, I’ve never been one to post political rants on a Facebook page or stir up a political conversation in mixed company, but this is my tiny sliver of the internet and for once, I have a passionate feeling about an election. This is the first election where I really paid attention. I read the articles, visited the candidates’ websites, and watched the debates, and all the while, I really didn’t believe this would happen.

I want a woman in the White House, yes, but that’s not the reason I voted for Hillary. She has experience, relationships with other countries, and QUALIFICATIONS that tell me she can do the job. I don’t care if she lied; every politician lies. I don’t care if she’s been under investigation for Benghazi or emails. She held her ground on both fronts and endured rigorous investigations and nothing came of any of it. She is qualified, she is a public servant, and she has spent her life trying to help people. At the end of the day, that woman has the strength of ten men put together. And Beyonce. She has Beyonce.

And, if that’s not enough, looking at Trump should make up one’s mind. This is where I feel a real disconnect because I cannot wrap my head around any woman voting for a man that says and does the things he has during this campaign his lifetime. It’s one thing to be a crass old man with narrow opinions, but to lead a country with these views? Are you not bothered by the racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic comments and actions? He thinks so little of you and you want him to lead you? To represent you? To defend you? To inspire your children? What am I missing here?

At the end of the day, the bottom line is this: the purpose of public office is to serve the people. To be a voice of the people. To inspire and encourage. To. help. people. One candidate has spent her life listening to others and making changes to improve policy. The other has perfected the art of self-promotion.

I’m still processing everything, I’ve truly never dealt with these feelings before. I think I’m still shocked, still trying to understand how this could happen. I’m angry at this country and feel like people aren’t good. They can’t be if this is a testament to their judgment, right? Like, that feeling I get when I’m driving (sidenote: I “suffer” from incredible albeit internal road rage) and I feel like everyone is a raging idiot and the future is doomed because if we can’t even drive down the road, how the hell are we going to get through something serious? Well, it’s like that. Times ten. Sprinkled with the incredible fear that an egomaniac has the nuclear codes.

I’m angry at the sound of his voice. I’m angry that everything that is good is his idea and everything that is bad is someone else’s fault. Is this what our country believes? HOW did we get here?  HOW did we come to the conclusion that an unqualified man that has insulted so many people should lead the free world? (Have you ever seen this really dumb movie, Idiocracy? I keep having flashes of that movie when I think about our future. *laughs turning into tears*)

I’m angry that I still don’t know how he’s going to fulfill these wild promises that are ultimately scary and dangerous. Matter of fact, I don’t know anything about any of his policies because he’s been too busy tweeting petty insults to offer anything of substance. I’m angry that I feel like my voice was overshadowed by irrational racists, and I’m angry that I’m angry at the people of this country. I’ve never been good at holding on to anger. It’s a waste of time. I want to do something, anything, to feel better. To fix it. To bounce back. To shake this feeling of loss. So many have started on the path to rebuilding. I look forward to overcoming this feeling and pushing forward, and although this got me misty-eyed, I’m not there yet.

El Morro

October 26, 2016

travel

elmorro4

Guys. I am so behind. I’ve traveled to some really fun places this past year but I’m so behind in sharing. Truth be told, I didn’t even finish posting the rest of L.A…. and that was in January! Maybe I’ll do a flashback post.. idk, haven’t worked it out yet. Stay tuned. ANYWAY. Look! I went to Puerto Rico! It was fun and colorful and adventurous and here’s what I did first…

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